Lady Marmalade

Ok. I simply cannot start this post on a good note. [Perhaps it'll be good to always save the best for last, anyway. Ending on a high note, and all that business.]

Bad:

Bright kelly green VS Pink calf-length sweatpants which had seen their better days a couple years ago - these things were nubbly beyond belief. [If there is one thing I love more than sweats in public, it's janky, worn-out sweats in public.] That wasn't the biggest problem. Oh no.

Atomic wedgie. Atomic doesn't quite cover it. Take the power of the atom bomb dropped on Hiroshima and add it to the power of the one dropped on Nagasaki. Now imagine that exact force pushing those nubbly green pants up that girl's crack. [Since when did wedgies become a chic accessory? Did I miss that in the last issue of Elle?]

These things were crawling so far up this young lady's derriere that were the ass to have "BOOTYLICIOUS" written on it, all we would be able to read would be "BS."

You have a few options in this situation, girls:

1. Buy pants that fit appropriately. Yeah. You can do that. They come in all sizes. It's magical.
2. Don't wear your ill-fitting, broke-down sweat pants in public. Some people believe in a small sense of decorum when roaming about before their fellow man. [I like to call those people sane.]
3. Pick that shit. Either Courtney Love style or discretely. I vote discretely, but if you must release, then you must. As long as I don't have to look at that painful wad of fabric jammed up your ass I'm ok.


Ugly:

Apparently big hair is also back in style. And no, not the clean voluminous kind. Think Christina Aguilera a la 2001 Blockbuster Awards. Oh hell, don't bother picturing it. I'll show you:



You wish I was kidding. So do I. This is not hyperbole, people. I have witnesses.

In other ugly news, these bad boys are hanging up - available for purchase - at the dear old Target. While I'm sure someone, somewhere - possibly even moi - could make them work fabulously, I do not want to deal with all the people who think they can work them and fail miserably.




That's right. Floral printed leggings. Welcome back 1993! I'm sure someone, somewhere, missed you. I'm still confused about them. They could be good. Or they could be HEINOUS. One request - please don't wear them as pants. I cannot handle a floral printed thut right now. Campus drama has put me in a delicate condition.

Good:

Well fitted printed tunic paired with dark jeans, sandals, and a lovely pink cardigan. [I love me a good cardi.] I would go so far as to describe the ensemble as presh.



Thanks for making my day livable. Those sweats nearly sent me into a self-mutilation frenzy.


I dub tomorrow "Flower Child Day." Impress me with free-spirited, bohemian madness.



"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
-Yves Saint Laurent