I'd kill for someone to start emulating Bjork or Tilda Swinton right now. [That woman can even make Dior look terrible. How she does it, I'll never know. Tilda, please - put on some makeup. Wear clothes with SHAPE. Quit slicking back you hair. You're not loud or funny enough to look like an uber dyke. You have a model-thin body that you hide in sacks. You have magnificent pale skin that you let shine like an Exxon oil spill. Your hair has glorious color and you always oil it down - probably with your own face grease. It's such a waste.]
The girl with two pairs of basketball shorts? Remember her? [We'll henceforth call her 2Pair.]
Today was gray day for 2Pair, apparently.
Seriously - who started this trend?
Do you just not change out of your sleepwear from the night before, or do you consciously choose to wear this type of ensemble? If it's laziness, that's one thing [not that it's any more tolerable], but if you choose to dress this way, it's just as easy to throw on a pair of jeans and a better fitting t-shirt. I'm just saying.
Jeremy, my love, never fails me.
It's not that difficult, gentlemen. Give it a try. I'm willing to bet you'll begin to rise socially. [Note the lack of dreadlocks . . . . . . ladies like it that way. HINT HINT.] [BT Dubs - rich purple and pale yellow - very nice color combo.]
To make up for the lack of good commentary, I present you with a new section. Hopefully it will become somewhat regular.
Things That Don't Belong
[One of these things is not like the other . . . . .]
There are just some pieces of clothing that do not fit in certain cities. Would I like to wear Viktor & Rolf every now and again [that is, if I could afford V&R]? Hell yes! [Of their last collection, I would KILL for the gray ruffled coat and the black trench.] Does it belong on the streets of OKC? No. [Oddly, that was the theme of their last collection.]
So here is what I found [Saturday] that just does not seem to fit OKC.
Neon "light" print [Sprint commercial much?], "fur" lined zip-up hoodie, you belong in Detroit. Or some other urban area I don't plan on visiting any time soon. And by soon I mean ever.
"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
-Yves Saint Laurent
EDIT:
Dinner. Dreads.
On a woman.
Long and lopsided and of varying lengths and blond with dark roots and nappy and frizzy and dirty and quite probably smelly and dear Mother Coco I am having a panic attack and my life is flashing before my eyes and I've only worn couture three times and I haven't yet redeemed myself for wearing clogs in junior high and I can't breathe and I am too young and pretty and fabulous and witty and delightful to be dying and dear Saint Laurent WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
It's not that I am against alternative hairstyles - I was rocking the asymmetrical bob way before that whore Vicki Becks popularized it - and that means WAY before all you bitches. [I am now growing my hair out since noticing that far too many soccer moms were sporting the 'do for me to feel like the fabulous 22 year old that I am.] What I am against is hairstyles that make you look like you are:
A. Homeless
B. Dirty and pungent
C. A mobile shelter for all manner of insects and rodents
OR
D. A massive tool. As evidenced by the Wigger movement of the late 90s and early 00s [skinny white boys in FUBU, anyone?][FUBU, as you may or may not know, stands for "for us, by us." The company is not named FWBN (think about that acronym a bit).], costuming yourself as a member of another society is just plain idiotic.
EDIT 2:
Breaking News from OU!
Spotted by my favorite bitch, Emily Beer:
A bit hard to see, but I am sure you can at least see the floral-print pants on that lady. And, contrary to my first instinct, she is not a misguided professor. No, she is a 27 year old Ph.D. student. Per Em, these delightful pants were paired with "a rose colored cord jacket, a sparkly brooch, and Doc mary-janes. It was tragic in every possible sense." We have been informed that the hems of these pants barely grazed the tops of the brown MJs. Black socks were prominent. [I'd give points for the socks at least being of a dark shade, but that goes against everything I stand for.] [This young woman is also, according to a (probably) highly biased source, a deranged Mormon. While that may explain the wardrobe, that is not for this blog to judge. At least not in print.]
4 comments:
I went shopping alone today. It's actually quite enjoyable. (Found an oversized plaid shirt at H&M, a pair of jeans and a v-neck at Urban and a t-shirt that says "Mm" in Helvetica font from American Apparel.)
Anyhow, at H&M I almost bought a deep-blue sweater/orange-striped dress shirt combo that, on the mannequin at least, looked amazing. But, instead, I went with the oversized plaid shirt. Sure, I'll hate it next fall, but I'll look trendy for now. (By the way, my goal for said shopping trip was to find cool new clothes for ACL. However...I ended up only buying ONE thing for that. Ah well.)
On to actual comments about the blog...
Where was that hoodie that Matt is wearing? That is some UGLY shit.
Pac Sun. Matty wanted to find some new shorts.
I felt hella uncomfortable in that store. We also went to Aero [blerg].
Then we cleansed my soul with BR, where I fell in love with a $200+ LBD that not only am I unable to afford, but was only stocked in size 2.
When did sample sizes become regular staples for the public? Oh, right. Kate Moss.
Also...I linked to you a while back, in the sidebar. You should return the favor.
supersweet blog!
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