99 Problems

And bitches are every one.

Here's the deal. There is a lot of drama concerning this chapel blog. Deadalus, Amber Jackson, whatever their true name is, everyone at this fucking hell-hole seems to believe that it's me. [Yes, I said fucking. Deal with it. Fuck, fuck, fucking. Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking.]


(That is the angriest looking photo I have of myself.)

These people think it is appropriate to spread these rumors as fact all over this campus, even going so far as to post an accusation on my Facebook wall from an anonymous Facebook profile - which the blogger is berated for time and again.

"[S]everal others have expressed their opinions about who the 'real' Amber Jackson,[sic] several of us believe that 'she' is comprised of a few people, yourself included."

I will not defend myself again. I'm too tired and pissed to do so even one more time.

Here's what this means for the Wasteland; I cannot and will not post another blog on this site until one of two things occurs. Either 1. the rumors subside and people allow me to live my life the way I have for the past 4 years - peacefully minding my own damn business, or 2. My rage subsides on its own [I really do not see this happening].

I am too worn out and too infuriated to continue to keep this place going. Frankly, I have little joy left in my heart from all this bullshit, and I can't do this if I am unhappy.

If you're disappointed, thank your school chums.

I'd like to thank them as well.

Thank you, SNU, for making me feel obligated to discontinue something that gave me a small bit of joy. I now have no outlet for both my love of fashion and harmless sarcasm. Thank you for imposing yourselves into my life, taking away something that made me and several others happy, and generally being all-around assholes.

I am not a judgmental person. I seriously thought that genuine people existed in this community. People who believed in fostering relationships, not tearing others down because they have nothing better to do than to start a witch-hunt for someone who wants (or at the very least claims to want) things to change in a place we ALL know needs it desparately. Apparently I was dead wrong.

I am now returning to a belief I formerly held: the majority of Christians are pricks bent on condemning, accusing, and battering everyone around them. Not true? Prove me wrong.

(Now would be the time to say that those accusations do NOT include one of my best friends, Ashley Smith. If you want to see a true follower (and one of the only ones I know) of Christ's teachings, spend 10 minutes with this lady.)

I am not an generally an angry person. I just don't get mad, normally. I try to figure out the reason behind people's actions. I try to understand individuals and do my best to avoid judging them in any way.

But this . . . . . I have become so enraged that I can't even say hello to people properly. I walked into the commons this afternoon glaring at everyone, including my friends. Walking down the sidewalk I normally think things like, "she seems friendly," "I wonder why he looks upset," "cute top," "I really wish she wasn't wearing those pants - she'd look so pretty in something more flattering." Today my thoughts were, "You look like a tool," "You are most certainly an asshole," "What the hell are you looking at?" "I hate you." "And you." "You too." You have all turned me from an endearing cynic into a genuinely hateful person. Congratulations.

I mentioned in the last post that I have a gift for cutting remarks. I don't think I truly gave myself justice. I am a magician of words. I said that I refuse to defend myself anymore, and this is true. But do not be fooled, I am by no means submissive. If I hear any of this bullshit firsthand, if I am directly accused, if some little shit gives me the stink-eye or calls me a bitch again, I will be more than happy to destroy you. I hope I have enough self-control to contain my words, but at this point I can make no guarantees.

To anyone who was a fan, I am sorry. It was glorious while it lasted.

If you want to hear more from me, go to The Bitchery. It's not going to be pretty.


"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.”
- Audrey Hepburn