Grammys!

Good evening, children!

2009 Grammy Awards! I hope you all watched. It was quite the show.

If you missed Marcus' and my live commentary via Twitter, I'm so very sorry. You truly missed out.

Rather than talk about what you good people were wearing this week [there was a lavender and pastel blue floral print parka in my BES class this morning, JSYK] I've decided to do a Grammy wrap-up. I find it infinitely more stimulating than droning on and on about how much I hate your nappy sweat pants, muddy Uggs and multicolored dreads. [Which are still disgusting, BT Dubs.]

So here we go.

NOT FAVS:



Lisa Rinna, commentator from TV Guide, sported this asymmetrical disaster. Honey, we get it. You want to be noticed. You want a real job. Rather than dressing like you're about to take a seat on the casting couch perhaps you should consider ditching the Botox and picking up some talent. Lisa Rinna: "I was a bit worried about the hair. I thought it would go drag queen on me." Oh baby girl, it did.



Cyndi Lauper, 80s music icon and recent comeback wore a classic men's tux jacket. While I am a fan of women in [well-tailored] mens-wear, this is just a tragedy. Sorry that you weren't hired for the latest Robert Palmer video. Just get over it, and take that outfit and your lisp somewhere else.



Bai Ling. Do I even need to say anything? You never get anything right. [Living proof that a skinny girl can not pull off anything.] And why were you even in attendance?



T-Pain. I don't care if you are a rapper. That devil-may-care look just does not fly. Jay-Z can dress. Sean Combs can dress. Kanye West can dress. Go see my man Tom Ford. This is a 10/6 moment that should not have happened.



Fran Drescher. Why were you there? You get an automatic boo for walking a carpet on which you do not belong. Get some work and then we'll talk.



Paris Hilton. In Versace. [Not the biggest fan of Versace in general. Donatella can kiss my a**.] It's from the Spring collection of 2003. Hardly vintage. It's also not a dress. FAIL. *For the record, the hem on the original design was a solid 2 inches longer than seen on Ms. Hilton. I'm starting to think she puts a great deal of thought into looking like a $3 whore.



Coldplay. Why?! Have I not remained a loyal fan? Did I not defend Lavender Hill to MLP? Listen, boys. You are not Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Brits you may be, Beatles you are not. Minor points are returned to Chris Martin for publically admitting plagiarism.



Um, Zooey? Really? Really? I thought you could do no wrong. You and Maggie Gyllenhaal were my indie fashion go-to girls. Did Frauline Maria design your dress? This is your first warning. Please don't wear draperies again.



Paula, Paula, Paula. You are some other kind of crazy. You and Bai Ling need to stop styling each other and hire some professionals. Clearly, my dear, you need all the professional help you can get.



It may be a costume, Katy, but it's still seriously unfortch. Carmen Miranda is kitsch classic. This is just sad. As was your performance. You shlump like a deranged hunchback. [Also - watermelons on the bust? Wishful thinking, Ms. Perry?]

THE FENCE:



KP, again. EW put this on the worst dressed list, but the look is growing on me a bit. There may have been too many ruffles, I will say that. However, the gown itself was exceptionally well conceived and contructed, and I quite like the idea of a huge brooch on the hip. Plus, it's nice to see a bit of old Hollywood glamour at the Grammys. Nice try, Katy. You're new. Finesse will come with time. [But, because of your performance fiasco, I won't be holding my breath.]



LeAnn Rimes. Yes for the dress. Major no for the hair. Loose curls are chic. The just-been-surfing look is best saved for the beach.



John Mayer. When I first saw you in this jacket [notably sans arm-candy Jen, BT Dubs] I put you on the fail list. Sorry, my love. But as the night wore on, it started growing on me. I'm not head over heels just yet, but there's something about the utilitarian, military feel of it that is just so appealing. It could also be that purple shirt peeking from underneath. Loves.



James Valentine [winner of the sexiest name ever] and Adam Levine of Maroon 5. James, you win. Love, love, love the skinny tie and slim trouser. Adam, I am a big, big fan of the tux jacket and scarf. Very forward. It's the cuffed jeans that are killing me. There's too big of a disconnect. Unroll and move on.



Yes. I AM on the fence for this one. And I will not apologize. Let me explain. This dress is absolutuely, 100%, over-the-top ridiculousness embodied. Manish Arora, Spring 2009. I think it's quite genius on the runway:



On any other individual this would be an utter failure. Worse than even [gasp!] La Sylphide Bjork at the 2001 Oscars.

However, M.I.A. gets a free fashion pass. Why? Because she is the poo, ladies and gents, so take a big whiff. If you don't believe me, you know nothing.

FAVS:



Jennifer Nettles, of Sugarland. Absolutely stunning in this art-deco, architectural coctail dress. So good it needs a double take:



That'd be Kristian Bush [also of Sugarland] next to her. In Jean Paul Gaultier, no less. When did country start to look so good?!?



Taylor Swift, scoring another point for the country team. This gown is stunning. And the patent leather accents! So progressive. So chic. Aw, hell. You get a second shot too:



By the way, I'm very sorry that Miley ruined your song.



Jo Bros! Loving the bow ties, Kevin and Joe [that'd be the gentlemen to the right and center, respectively]. [I could do without all of the sparkle, Joe. You are not JT.] [More on that in a bit.] [For the record, you two are on the fence for me. I only placed you here because of your little brother.] Nick, I ADORE the all-black look. Very well done, my boy. The only man [other than JT] who played all-black better than you that night was Robin Thicke, and that's because A. he rocked a bow tie, and B. he's legal for ogling.



Props to Alan Thicke for achievements in baby-making.



Kings of Leon. Glory. That is almost too much skinny-tied urban chic-ness for one girl to handle. Almost. Jared, [furthest right] never change this hair.



Sara Bareilles. Those red accents are perfection. A dress that could have easlily gone Lara Flynn looks very modern and sweet. Well played.



Jason Mraz. [Sorry about the loss to John Mayer. I wish they gave joint Grammys.] Fedora and Chuck Taylors. Playful. Laid back. Loves.



Janelle Monae. It's very equestrienne, and I adore it. Equal parts Ralph Lauren and Alexander McQueen. Love, love, love, love, love.



Justin. That glitter jacket is so very Night at the Roxbury, and for some inexplicable reason it just looks so damn good on you. It's probably because you are one of the sexiest things on two legs. [Fact.] And thank you for wearing a tie clip. It's a shame men's accessories are so often overlooked. Tie clips and cuff links are some of the sexiest things around.



Adele. You are plump and delightful, and stunning. However, I can't give you too many props on your outfit. You were styled by none other than Anna Wintour, after all. [That coat? Yes, Rachel Zoe, I die.]

BEST OF THE NIGHT:

Jennifer Hudson.



Glory! Amenah! Hallelu-yah! This dress is pure church. Double take? I think yes:



RM by Roland Mouret. Per. Fect. Shun.

And then. And then. AND THEN. Homegirl turned out another stunner for her performance:



Lady was doing some good work on Grammy night. I said it on Sunday, and I'll say it again: this is what a woman is supposed to look like. Chic, classy, and curved. Can I please get an amen?

J. Hud. You have my complete adoration.

[She LOST American Idol? Biggest WTF moment ever.]

By the way, kids, warm weather is here. It's time to put your Uggs and hoodies away. The grace period is officially over.

"Fashions fade, style is forever."
-Yves Saint Laurent