Style Wasteland

. . . . Nice panties, little lady.

2009-04-13T21:46:00.002-05:00

Just a quickie. It's better than nothing, no?

Welcome back to 3-pair. It was nice to see you in your black basketball shorts. I guess it is officially springtime now that you've busted out those bad boys.

Note to whomever used dryer 5 before me - you have Minnie Mouse panties. And yes, you have been judged. Harshly. [On a small tangent - communal laundry is one of the most disgusting things EVER.]

It must be a Disney kind of day because there was a young lady wearing a Mickey hoodie earlier this afternoon. Honey child, where in the world were your monogrammed mouseketeer ears?

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
Yves Saint Laurent

Sweet summer

2009-04-09T11:18:00.002-05:00

It's coming. Can you feel it?

The heat is just fantastic. It means the semester is almost over. It also means we can ditch those big coats and boots for [hopefully] something a little more aesthetically pleasing.

The bright colors are coming out, and for the most part I approve.

Except for Future Boozy Soccer-Mom Barbie, whom I spotted the other day.

Bright purple track pants, hot pink zip-up track jacket, matching hot pink sneakers, matching hot pink bowling-bag style handbag complete with peace sign bedazzling.

Quit buying your clothes from the House of Mattel. M'kay, pumpkin?

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
Yves Saint Laurent

Ummmm

2009-03-12T18:29:00.001-05:00

"White" sateen "dress" pants are a bad choice.

I can see your cooter from across the room.

Next time try wearing panties.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
Yves Saint Laurent

81st

2009-03-02T11:22:00.012-06:00

Good afternoon, children.

Apologies for the lateness. Mais, c'est la vie.

I hope you all watched the Oscars last week. It was a beautiful show. The entire production was so thoughtfully put together, right down to the stage design.

But that's not our concern here.

[For the SNU kids who read this, I have a column in this last Echo, as well as a sidebar naming my favorite and least favorite celebs of the evening. You should go read it. It's a good choice.]

As I was watching the Red Carpet, I noticed that several trends were popping up in [at the very least] pairs. Yes, everyone and their mothers [sometimes literally. Get a date, people. Your mom is cute but she can't give you a real after party. I'm just saying . . . ] were in ivory, but apparently some of the attendees decided to phone a friend ahead of time so that they could match. Let's put them head to head, shall we?

Trend: Red
[Not my favorite color to see on the red carpet. It's usually too difficult for celebs to get right. Red is too beautiful a color to be made to look bad; she doesn't deserve that mess.]

Hit: Amy Adams
In: Carolina Herrera

Classic line, modern drape. And that bib necklace is perfection. Well done to Adams' stylist.

Miss: Amanda Seyfried
In: Valentino

Congratulations on looking like an orangey-red tuber, Amanda. A little more volume and you could have won the part of The Great Pumpkin in the upcoming live-action Charlie Brown.

Trend: Pink

Hit: Natalie Portman
In: Rodarte

The weaving detail on the bodice is wonderful, as are the multicolored gems. And she's so poised, as always. Natalie remains one of my absolute favorite women in Hollywood.

Miss: Alicia Keys
In: Armani Privé

The dress isn't the problem here. I'm actually a big fan; I love the detailing on the bodice. The problem is that homegirl doesn't know how to carry herself. The entire evening Keys looked as though she were going #2. Perhaps her handler was trailing her with a plastic baggie and a pooper scooper.

Trend: Black and Gold

Hit: Halle Berry
In: Marchesa

Gold sequins swathed in black tulle. Beaded appliques. Lovely.

Miss: Beyoncé
In: House of Dereon

Dereon. 'Nuff said. [Incidentally People.com called this dress "couture." Just because a fashion company has "House of" in it's name does not make it couture. You have to be a member. It's a fact.]

Trend: Paillettes

Hit: Tina Fey
In: Zac Posen

Classic old Hollywood. Arguably one of the best dressed of the evening. And can I just say, I think it's fabulous to finally have a comedienne who can dress.

[I would have picked Anne Hathaway, but it was the obvious choice.] [I will, however, give you a picture. Because she was gorgeous. And I like pictures.]

[In: Armani Privé]

Miss [but only by inches]: Leslie Mann
In: Pamela Rolland

It's a big pet peeve of mine when celebrities dress "above their station" at these events. You never attempt to outshine those nominated for best supporting or leading actress [hem, hem, Miley Cyrus]. It's their night, not yours. She was just as shiny as the Oscar statuettes, and, in my opinion, drawing too much attention to herself [she was a bit loud in interviews, too]. Classic middle child behavior. Mann looked good, and I love the dress, she just needed to tone it down a bit. I'm not saying don't stand out at all. Just don't stand out as much. [Remember, if everyone is special, then no one is.]

Trend: Black and Blue

Hit: Reese Witherspoon [Styled at the Vanity Fair Party, not on stage at the Ceremonies.]
In: Rodarte

An updated take on last year's surge of ombre dyes. Modern asymmetrical neckline and jeweled bodice. This dress is so beautiful, and so ahead of the curve. If she hadn't had her hair super tight and two black eyes on stage, she could have had a perfect evening.

[Leaning toward] Miss: Marion Cotillard
In:Dior

Layered tulle belted ballgown. Blue sequined bodice.
I'm still not sure how I feel about this. Not a big fan of the dress [something about short skirts with sheer overlays at the Oscars just bothers me], but . . . . I mean, she's French. It's almost a free pass. Almost.

I'm making this post pull double duty so I can say two things:

Magic after chapel hour this morning. Coming out of the library after work I walk directly into a group of 6 rather well-dressed gentlemen. [!!] All wearing slacks, 2 in button ups and vests, one sans vest but in a tie, 1 with a tie and a sweater pulled over, 2 in argyle sweaters. [Argyle is getting a bit tired, but I'm not complaining.]

Hooray! Well dressed boys again! It made my morning.

Also - I saw the cutest girl yesterday. Black and white scribble plaid strapless sheath. Bright blue cropped cardigan. Patent highlighter-yellow skinny belt. Loves.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
Yves Saint Laurent

Coming soon . . .

2009-02-25T22:09:00.003-06:00

Evening, kids.

I just submitted a column to the Echo regarding my love of the Oscars. You should pick it up, if you feel so compelled.

Also, I promise the Oscar photos and commentary are coming. [Michelle, I promise that is not an empty promise. That one isn't either.]

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
Yves Saint Laurent

Shameful

2009-02-20T14:44:00.004-06:00

Good afternoon, children!

And good afternoon to our new friend, Meg.

So, some housecleaning matters. A bit of ridiculousness has occurred in the comments of the last post, which I feel must be addressed.

"Honey- I find it amusing that you pass fashion judgment on other people when you are kind of a scrub yourself. Isn't irony a scream?"

"mlp- I am a junior and have never heard of you let alone seen you, but from the look of your picture you should not be passing judgment either. If fashion is a taste issue you have bad taste. You look like a little jerk who thinks he is a bad ass but doesn't have the balls to actually be one. And I am not being a coward. That is my real profile. I just don't have a blog. That is all. Go ahead and call me a bitch. Doesn't hurt my feelings.

Ashley Nicole- I have seen you and your pretty little face on campus with your nose in the air. You dress like you're from a cliche teen movie. Very "nice and put together" Boring. And I'm sorry if my comment was "quite rude" Life isn't always nice honey. But I guess a little white girl from suburbia like you hasn't experienced a bad day in your life. Except when you didn't get elected Homecoming Queen maybe..."

"mlp- I find it quite comical that you are getting so defensive about me insulting your style when you are apparently a fan of this blog. And you sure got pissey when I gave a little dig to Miss Ashley Nicole. Wish you were fucking the RA Princess?"

All these lovely little gems were provided by Meg.

I don't even know where to begin to diffuse some of this anger. So, I suppose I'll attempt an open letter of sorts.

I wish I knew who you were, Meg. I get the feeling that if you knew me, and my best friends, for that matter, you wouldn't have such hostile things to say.

Let me start by saying that I have already made it quite clear that the purpose of this blog is not to pass judgment on individuals, and that this is certainly not the place for outright bitchiness.

Do you even read the blog? I never make comments about average looking people. All of my problems with SNU's lack of fashion stem from students looking like they haven't showered, or those individuals who perpetually wear work-out gear everywhere.

As for being a "scrub": [thanks for that flashback to 1999, BT Dubs. Been listening to FanMail, have we?] I have never made a claim to be the epitome of style. In fact, I've only mentioned myself once on the blog, and even then solely as part of a cultural experiment. While I do know what I am talking about, [I refuse to be humble in this] I know that I don't dress the part of a fashionista. I'm a jeans, tee, cardi, madras mini-wedge kind of gal. And that's ok. I have no issue with average, everyday, [laundered] casual wear. I don't even have a big problem with hoodies, so long as they are clean.

This blog has never been about passing judgment on people. It's purpose is to provide a slightly biting, sarcastic kick in the pants for the individuals who need a little push to get out of their sweat pants. [I doubt many of them read this, anyway. I'm not seeking a large readership or campus renown.] Why? Because I believe the students of SNU are better than that. I want the world to take my fellow students seriously in life, because they are [at large] intelligent, talented, kind individuals who deserve to be successful.

Sadly, success in the world is very much impacted by appearances. I work as the personal assistant for the CEO for a small oil company while at home, and I can't tell you how many job applicants are immediately turned down because of their looks.

I have never once said anything to intentionally hurt someone's feelings. That is not my goal, and it is not who I am. Let me say now, if anyone is truly hurt by something I have written, I urge them to come to me with their concerns.

If you have a problem with me or my comments, Meg, that is completely fine. Next time, please take them up with me in person like an adult. I assume you've seen me around, judging by the forward nature of your comments. I'd appreciate if you would keep your hostility toward any other individual, whether a close friend of mine or not, to yourself.

As for the rest of you dears who read this page, there will be no new updates until Oscar night.
I have some lovely photos from the lecture I attended at OU earlier this week, but I'm in no mood for posting them now. I guess you can thank your colleague for that.

Posting may halt entirely for the semester, due to my involvement with music department's effort to keep Jim Graves on staff. I'll keep everyone posted.

"But wait, Danielle! How very unlike you to let those mean comments about Ashley go unaddressed," you say. Like I said earlier, this isn't the place for that. Visit the Bitchery in a little while. I'm sure I'll find plenty to say there.

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."
- Audrey Hepburn

Cupid Shuffle

2009-02-17T11:24:00.002-06:00

Hello, children.

I hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's day.

[If you're in love and stopped by the 'bucks on 36th and May Saturday evening you should know - your barista gave you decaf. She's not sorry.]

A few friends and I had dinner Saturday [no place screams romance quite so much as Friday's], and OKC's best dressed all turned up.

Favorite highlights included a young lady in a rhinestone tiara and a hyperpreg in a bright red velour tracksuit. I have five words for you, lady. A Pea in the Pod. I don't care if you are knocked up, tracksuits died in '02.

I'm still seeing little on campus worthy of note.

Thanks for not failing miserably, on the whole? I'd take a few tragedies here and there if it meant I could see a pretty dress walking around campus every once and a while. [David, Jeremy: I miss you.]

EDIT:

Clark tells me there was a fashion tragedy on the chapel stage this morning. Marcus, whom I trust more in these matters, informed me shortly after that it's simply baggy jeans and a striped tee. I'm reserving judgement until photo evidence is provided.

I hope everyone enjoyed the Grammy wrap-up. I expect I'll follow suit with the Oscars. I hope you're getting excited, kids. [If you follow me on Twitter you can expect another live commentary on Oscar night. You're welcome.]

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
Yves Saint Laurent

Underground

2009-02-10T16:06:00.003-06:00

Good afternoon, kids.

I'm posting from the refugee camp that is Hatley basement.

I could report on the sad state of affairs in regard to clothing down here, [there are copious amounts of bathrobes] however, given the situation I suppose free tornado passes are in order.

No shining star of the day as of yet. I highly doubt there will be one at all, seeing as I'm being made to trudge up and down and up the basement stairs a la Groundhog Day.

I will give you this:

9:15 AM: Unadulterated turquoise fitted baby-doll T-shirt. Very dingy white skinny jeans, which happened to be 3 sizes too small. Just what I wanted this morning: a muffin.

10:45 AM: Same turquoise tee. Same too-tight pants. Now paired with camel-colored over-the-knee boots. Thanks ever so much for kicking it up a notch.

Yes, Virginia, sometimes even basketball shorts are the better choice.

And now, a note for all you movie fans out there:

Please, don't wear your movie memorabilia tees anymore.

Today it's Twilight T-shirts. Tomorrow it's a Coraline hoodie. Before you know it, chaos ensues and then it's the era of the cape kids all over again.

You're not eight anymore. The Tinkerbell glitter purse is no longer adorable, let alone appropriate.

Let's all grow up a bit, hmm? You're 18+. I hate to sound like Mr. Darling, but you've had enough time in Never-Never Land.

It's time to get some big-girl panties, ladies.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
-Yves Saint Laurent

Grammys!

2009-02-09T12:33:00.003-06:00

Good evening, children!

2009 Grammy Awards! I hope you all watched. It was quite the show.

If you missed Marcus' and my live commentary via Twitter, I'm so very sorry. You truly missed out.

Rather than talk about what you good people were wearing this week [there was a lavender and pastel blue floral print parka in my BES class this morning, JSYK] I've decided to do a Grammy wrap-up. I find it infinitely more stimulating than droning on and on about how much I hate your nappy sweat pants, muddy Uggs and multicolored dreads. [Which are still disgusting, BT Dubs.]

So here we go.

NOT FAVS:

Lisa Rinna, commentator from TV Guide, sported this asymmetrical disaster. Honey, we get it. You want to be noticed. You want a real job. Rather than dressing like you're about to take a seat on the casting couch perhaps you should consider ditching the Botox and picking up some talent. Lisa Rinna: "I was a bit worried about the hair. I thought it would go drag queen on me." Oh baby girl, it did.

Cyndi Lauper, 80s music icon and recent comeback wore a classic men's tux jacket. While I am a fan of women in [well-tailored] mens-wear, this is just a tragedy. Sorry that you weren't hired for the latest Robert Palmer video. Just get over it, and take that outfit and your lisp somewhere else.

Bai Ling. Do I even need to say anything? You never get anything right. [Living proof that a skinny girl can not pull off anything.] And why were you even in attendance?

T-Pain. I don't care if you are a rapper. That devil-may-care look just does not fly. Jay-Z can dress. Sean Combs can dress. Kanye West can dress. Go see my man Tom Ford. This is a 10/6 moment that should not have happened.

Fran Drescher. Why were you there? You get an automatic boo for walking a carpet on which you do not belong. Get some work and then we'll talk.

Paris Hilton. In Versace. [Not the biggest fan of Versace in general. Donatella can kiss my a**.] It's from the Spring collection of 2003. Hardly vintage. It's also not a dress. FAIL. *For the record, the hem on the original design was a solid 2 inches longer than seen on Ms. Hilton. I'm starting to think she puts a great deal of thought into looking like a $3 whore.

Coldplay. Why?! Have I not remained a loyal fan? Did I not defend Lavender Hill to MLP? Listen, boys. You are not Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Brits you may be, Beatles you are not. Minor points are returned to Chris Martin for publically admitting plagiarism.

Um, Zooey? Really? Really? I thought you could do no wrong. You and Maggie Gyllenhaal were my indie fashion go-to girls. Did Frauline Maria design your dress? This is your first warning. Please don't wear draperies again.

Paula, Paula, Paula. You are some other kind of crazy. You and Bai Ling need to stop styling each other and hire some professionals. Clearly, my dear, you need all the professional help you can get.

It may be a costume, Katy, but it's still seriously unfortch. Carmen Miranda is kitsch classic. This is just sad. As was your performance. You shlump like a deranged hunchback. [Also - watermelons on the bust? Wishful thinking, Ms. Perry?]

THE FENCE:

KP, again. EW put this on the worst dressed list, but the look is growing on me a bit. There may have been too many ruffles, I will say that. However, the gown itself was exceptionally well conceived and contructed, and I quite like the idea of a huge brooch on the hip. Plus, it's nice to see a bit of old Hollywood glamour at the Grammys. Nice try, Katy. You're new. Finesse will come with time. [But, because of your performance fiasco, I won't be holding my breath.]

LeAnn Rimes. Yes for the dress. Major no for the hair. Loose curls are chic. The just-been-surfing look is best saved for the beach.

John Mayer. When I first saw you in this jacket [notably sans arm-candy Jen, BT Dubs] I put you on the fail list. Sorry, my love. But as the night wore on, it started growing on me. I'm not head over heels just yet, but there's something about the utilitarian, military feel of it that is just so appealing. It could also be that purple shirt peeking from underneath. Loves.

James Valentine [winner of the sexiest name ever] and Adam Levine of Maroon 5. James, you win. Love, love, love the skinny tie and slim trouser. Adam, I am a big, big fan of the tux jacket and scarf. Very forward. It's the cuffed jeans that are killing me. There's too big of a disconnect. Unroll and move on.

Yes. I AM on the fence for this one. And I will not apologize. Let me explain. This dress is absolutuely, 100%, over-the-top ridiculousness embodied. Manish Arora, Spring 2009. I think it's quite genius on the runway:

On any other individual this would be an utter failure. Worse than even [gasp!] La Sylphide Bjork at the 2001 Oscars.

However, M.I.A. gets a free fashion pass. Why? Because she is the poo, ladies and gents, so take a big whiff. If you don't believe me, you know nothing.

FAVS:

Jennifer Nettles, of Sugarland. Absolutely stunning in this art-deco, architectural coctail dress. So good it needs a double take:

That'd be Kristian Bush [also of Sugarland] next to her. In Jean Paul Gaultier, no less. When did country start to look so good?!?

Taylor Swift, scoring another point for the country team. This gown is stunning. And the patent leather accents! So progressive. So chic. Aw, hell. You get a second shot too:

By the way, I'm very sorry that Miley ruined your song.

Jo Bros! Loving the bow ties, Kevin and Joe [that'd be the gentlemen to the right and center, respectively]. [I could do without all of the sparkle, Joe. You are not JT.] [More on that in a bit.] [For the record, you two are on the fence for me. I only placed you here because of your little brother.] Nick, I ADORE the all-black look. Very well done, my boy. The only man [other than JT] who played all-black better than you that night was Robin Thicke, and that's because A. he rocked a bow tie, and B. he's legal for ogling.

Props to Alan Thicke for achievements in baby-making.

Kings of Leon. Glory. That is almost too much skinny-tied urban chic-ness for one girl to handle. Almost. Jared, [furthest right] never change this hair.

Sara Bareilles. Those red accents are perfection. A dress that could have easlily gone Lara Flynn looks very modern and sweet. Well played.

Jason Mraz. [Sorry about the loss to John Mayer. I wish they gave joint Grammys.] Fedora and Chuck Taylors. Playful. Laid back. Loves.

Janelle Monae. It's very equestrienne, and I adore it. Equal parts Ralph Lauren and Alexander McQueen. Love, love, love, love, love.

Justin. That glitter jacket is so very Night at the Roxbury, and for some inexplicable reason it just looks so damn good on you. It's probably because you are one of the sexiest things on two legs. [Fact.] And thank you for wearing a tie clip. It's a shame men's accessories are so often overlooked. Tie clips and cuff links are some of the sexiest things around.

Adele. You are plump and delightful, and stunning. However, I can't give you too many props on your outfit. You were styled by none other than Anna Wintour, after all. [That coat? Yes, Rachel Zoe, I die.]

BEST OF THE NIGHT:

Jennifer Hudson.

Glory! Amenah! Hallelu-yah! This dress is pure church. Double take? I think yes:

RM by Roland Mouret. Per. Fect. Shun.

And then. And then. AND THEN. Homegirl turned out another stunner for her performance:

Lady was doing some good work on Grammy night. I said it on Sunday, and I'll say it again: this is what a woman is supposed to look like. Chic, classy, and curved. Can I please get an amen?

J. Hud. You have my complete adoration.

[She LOST American Idol? Biggest WTF moment ever.]

By the way, kids, warm weather is here. It's time to put your Uggs and hoodies away. The grace period is officially over.

"Fashions fade, style is forever."
-Yves Saint Laurent

Did you miss me?

2009-01-21T23:53:00.002-06:00

Hello children!

It's the beginning of a new semester. I gave everyone a little break from being subjected to commentary. I figured a week and a half was plenty of time to get all of your laundry unpacked and washed.

I have noticed a couple things, one really, that I simply cannot go without discussing immediately. Multicolored hair. I swear it's worse than nappy dreads. Ok, that may be a stretch, but it is revolting.

I am fully supportive of most forms of coiffure related self expression, but I have seen some heads on campus that look like pure Skittle-puke. Even Rainbow Brite had the sense to keep her hair one color.

Dye it all one unnatural shade [I'm partial to purple, myself]. Rachel Speer had a penchant for dyeing hers blue some years back, and it really worked for her. Or put in a few pieces of hair flair. A couple of solid streaks here and there are just dandy. We're young, and now is the time for adventurous hair, piercings and tattoos.

However, it is NEVER time for disgusting colors that do not coordinate [magenta and cornflower . . . . not a fan]. It is NEVER time for an overabundance of streaks that are not solid, but striped in nature. [Jeremy and I discussed this earlier this afternoon, and we remembered fondly a treat from our childhood.]

There isn't a polite way to put this [and even if there were, I can't said I'd be one to take that road]: you look ridiculous. I promise if you come to your senses, I will pay for you to have your hair redone. Scout's honor.

Good things from today will be posted tomorrow.

I missed you kids, really I did. Now someone please make me proud.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
-Yves Saint Laurent

TTFN

2008-12-15T13:05:00.002-06:00

Well, children, it has been fun, but the semester is coming to an end.

One thing before I close for the semester [there may be posts about Houston life over the break.]:

If I can't tell the difference between your beanie and your hair, we have a problem. I'll let you all muddle through that one on your own.

Good luck with your finals!

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
- Yves Saint Laurent

Atrocities

2008-12-10T11:01:00.002-06:00

[Photos will come this afternoon.]

What's worse than cape kids, you ask? I'm sure this question has been burning in your mind for days now.

Some child was walking around the Ho dressed as a disciple.

Now, I know what you're saying. "I'm sure it was for a class presentation, Danielle. You can't fault someone for a class assignment."

That's all well and good, but homedog was acting a fool upstairs, giving the pageant wave and saying hellooooooo to everyone.

Plus, he was wearing regular clothes under his tunic. All he had to do was pull that mess over his head and be done with it.

Monday I saw the most disgusting thing ever.

Plumber's crack. And how.

And this thing was no ordinary crack, oh no. This was a power crack. A 7 inch cleft. The Marianas Trench of butt cracks.

I'm pretty sure this gentlemen was wearing low-rise manties just to ensure that as much of his coin slot was as visible as possible.

The only saving grace of this week?

A Marc Jacobs [!!] green apple watch-pendant.

Presh and designer. Loves.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
-Yves Saint Laurent

Aw hells naw.

2008-12-04T13:53:00.002-06:00

I was going ot wait until Friday to post, to adhere to my schedule, but this couldn't wait.

I JUST saw something worse than cape kids.

I know you don't believe me.

Photo evidence and a full rant later.

"Fashion fades, style is eternal."
- Yves Saint Laurent

The winter of my discontent

2008-11-21T19:50:00.001-06:00

Good evening, children.

I promised an update, and by gum I am keeping my word. (From the field, no less, as I am at this moment sitting in Cantrell waiting for Shane's recital to begin.)

The past few weeks have been tolerably mediocre, so until this point I have felt somewhat comfortable with not posting.

A handful of girls have decided to start a new fad, and unlike my pushing for big strands of pearls and floral pins, it is neither fabulous nor welcome.

What is this atrocity?

Calf length leggings worn under cotton work-out shorts, commonly known as "Sofees," with Uggs.

Not only is this not cute, ladies, it's not doing anything to keep you warm. (It's 30 degrees out, in case you haven't noticed.) You look like morons. It's as simple as that.

Don't want to bulk up? Understandable. You don't have to. Please take note of Jessica Taylor and Andrea Kesterson, who are both known to wear sweater dresses with fitted boots, or Abbie Dedmon, who wears a nicely fitted wool jacket daily. Layer with either urban sensibilities, a la Elizabeth Chrisman, or with a bohemian vibe like Lizzie Oliver.

Call me. I'll take you shopping. Partly because I care, but mostly because I'm tired of looking at your idiotic asses walking all around my campus.

Don't want to change your moronic habits? Transfer to OU with that bullshit. You'll feel right at home, I assure you.

At dinner tonight I was made aware of the fact that focusing on your clothing is not sufficient. I have made comments here and there about unacceptable behaviors and hygiene, but a certain young lady has forced me to talk about makeup.

I realize, honey, that today was probably your first time. It takes practice.

First of all, you are WHITE, baby girl. That means Queen Collection foundations are not for you. Try a porcelain shade next time, rather than tangerine.

Second, get rid of your "Barbie's My First Makeup Kit." Pale blue glitter eye-shadow was fashionable when I was in 7th grade (though I made fun of people who wore it then). Today it is the late 90s cosmetic equivalent of Zubaz and Crocs.

You're an adult now. Chocolate brown. Charcoal gray. Plum. Wine. These are your new eye basics. Learn to love them.

"Fasions fade, style is eternal.
-Yves Saint Laurent

Une Mois

2008-11-20T19:49:00.002-06:00

Sorry, children. My B.

One month later and . . . . I'm not really updating.

Classes, which, contrary to popular belief, I do attend and complete assignments for, have been getting hectic.

Here's the plan [someone please keep me on track] [thank you Donna for the constant badgering]: weekly updates. Scheduled for Fridays. Does that sound ok to you? It had better, because you don't have a choice in the matter.

Tomorrow plan on reading about the newest campus trend.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
-Yves Saint Laurent

Traj

2008-10-23T22:38:00.002-05:00

I lost my locket. My aunt gave it to me on the most important day of my life: my birth.

Small. Gold. Heart-shaped. Starburst pattern on the cover. Small diamond in the center. Empty.

If you find it, please keep it safe for me.
If I see it on your neck prepare for a slow, painful death. [That was mostly hyperbolic. Mostly.]

I'm too upset about this to post properly. Tomorrow, children. Tomorrow.

Oh. Em. Ef. Gee.

2008-10-22T20:38:00.002-05:00

It has been far too long. I am so very sorry.

Midterm work + fall break + a strange bout of exhaustion has been keeping me from posting. I apologize.
Wednesday before fall break [I realize this is extremely tardy] I spotted a denim bucket hat. I couldn't get a good shot since the wearer was too many rows ahead of me in chapel. Suffice it to say that she resembled a 90s TV teenager some of you may remember. . . .

2Pair will hence be named 3Pair. Lady apparently went to Wal-Mart and scored herself a pair of black basket-ball shorts. [Her equivalent of an LBD, mayhaps?] I suppose I could give props for wardrobe expansion, but I'm not going to. I'll break down and give kudos when she wears jeans.

Today marked the first legitimately cold day of Fall! I am ecstatic!

However, I still don't think that hoodies are acceptable outerwear all of the time. I realize that for some of you it is your element, [Mr. gray hoodie, vintage denim, flip flops, I'm talking to you] but I don't believe it would kill you good folks to invest in a wool peacoat. [I believe they're better protection from the elements anyway. Hoodies don't really cut it when it's snowing.] Or a "leather" bomber jacket. [Cori Fouts, yours was totes adorbs, BT Dubs.] Or layer a sweater underneath a blazer. [It can look very Ivy League when done right.]

I also realize that we are on our way into wellie season. No one likes cold, wet feet. I understand this completely. I beg you, if you wear wellies, please wear them well. Pretty please. Today I saw no less than ten ladies walking around with their jeans bunched up at the top of their boots. NOT cute.

So. Quick tutorial concerning wellies.

DO NOT:
*Wear with wide-legged capris.
*Cuff jeans over the top.
*Bunch jeans over the top.
*Wear with nothing but a mini-skirt on bottom. [Good rule of thumb: if it's cold enough to warrant a jacket and a lack of flip flops, it's too cold for bare legs.]

DO:
*Wear with fitted jeans tucked inside.
*Pair with skirts/dresses and tights.

Yes:

No:

Yes:

No:

Yes:

NO!:

Bottom yes, top no:

NO! NO! NO!:

And HELLS NO!:

This winter I'm looking for some lovely knits, jewel tones, structured outerwear, and fashion-forward yet functional footwear. Please make me proud, children.

Personal pics and further update later. Inspiration competition photo tomorrow. For those of you who saw my jacket today, you get a head start.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
- Yves Saint Laurent

Minor Backlash

2008-10-12T16:13:00.002-05:00

I'm not going to rant twice. You can read all about this on the Bitchery.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
-Yves Saint Laurent

Neglect

2008-10-11T10:37:00.008-05:00

Oh. Em. Ef. Gee.

Sorry for the unintentional lie. Friends?

The fashion front has been dismal this week. That could be due to the fact that I wasn't really able to pay close attention.

Some highlights:

Wednesday:

Gaby in an olive cable-knit dress. Very cute.

Thursday:

Andrea in a slate cowl neck dress and plum shrug. And Ty . . . . being Ty.

Purple striped hoodie over a black knee-length dress over boot-cut jeans.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

We have long since moved past the dress-over-jeans revolution. If it's super short with fitted jeans I can handle it. This just isn't acceptable. Even in Oklahoma.

Outside of the fact that dresses over jeans hasn't been in style since the first half of this decade, the proportions are completely wrong here. Nothing is fitted and since everything has volume the result is . . . . . well . . . . . . you know. If you are an anti-tiny girl, bigger clothes aren't hiding anything [if that was the intent behind this ensemble]. They only make you look . . . . . drumroll . . . . . bigger. Shocking that more fabric could look like more fabric, huh?

Now DO NOT wear clothes that are a size too small, that certainly won't help anything. You just need to find pieces that fit you well: close to the body, but not cinching.

Friday:

Cereal bowl aside, Ernest is just plain fab.
He's got that Cali ease [probably because he's straight out of CA] that I love so very much. [The first time I met this kid he was wearing 7 For All Mankind. L'amour.]

I told you, lads, that you can look great in jeans and tees. While I adore them, you don't have to wear vests and ties to impress me. At this point I'll settle for regular showering.

The promised rant:

You all should know that while I love people to look fabulous, what I love more is beautiful behavior. Courtesy is chic.

There has been an outbreak of PDA [and god knows what else] on campus this semester. I am dying to drop names right now, but that would be wrong.

Certain couples like to snog in various places around campus [mainly the benches near Herrick] after the sun goes down. I can handle that, so long as I don't have to look at it.

There are other couples, however, who feel it appropriate to feel each other up during lunch hours in the 'Ho. NOT ACCEPTABLE. At all.

Save that for nighttime at Lake Holdhercloser or any of the numerous church parking lots in the Bethany area.

I know you are so very much "in love" right now [I'm sure with your extensive world experience you truly know what that means], and I know that you want to express that "love" in a manner as close as possible to sex while still being able to call yourselves good Christians. However, you may not have noticed this while you were sharing that piece of Doublemint and rubbing each others' inner thighs, some of us are trying to eat.

I, personally, couldn't care less what you do with each other. Have threesomes, dive into S&M, try your hand at bestiality, go munging, whatever you like. Just quit touching each other in my presence in the daylight hours. I don't go up to the caf to watch live amateur porn. I go with the hope that there will be something meat-free and edible. Something that won't make me gag.

I never thought something could make my stomach turn more than the vittles from Sodex'ho. Your antics have proved otherwise.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
- Yves Saint Laurent

EDIT:

Floral tights from Target?

Someone in the fashion blogosphere is rocking them.

Apologies

2008-10-08T21:38:00.002-05:00

No update for yesterday or today. I'm sorry, loves.

I've been sick. [I even wore a hoodie and trackpants to dinner tonight. Cecily French called me on it. Thanks for making me feel like an utter fraud and failure, Ces. In my defense, my hoodie is presh.]

I promise a synopsis tomorrow. Plus! A rant. I know how much everyone adores those.

For now, Earl Gray and bed.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
-Yves Saint Laurent

Wellies in the jungle.

2008-10-06T13:17:00.009-05:00

Everyone is wearing them today, some better than others. It was rainy this morning, so I'll allow it.

The most tragic wellie sighting were hideous purple ones paired with some wide-legged capris. No bueno. [Also no picture. It seems that some offenders have been working on their hustle. Hmm, wonder why that could be . . .]

Reba Baker. Your black jumper was precious.

The pop of silver was a nice touch, and a good proportion for the dress.
It was worn with wellies, but since today was puddly, I'm not complaining.

Ok, apparently I did not read October's Vogue or Elle closely enough. I saw that they both stated that wide legs are circling back around, but somewhere there must have been a spread featuring gigantic cuffs that I just completely missed.

Indeed, that just happened. Again.
The bigger problem with this pair is that these are apparently bell bottoms. Meaning the flare is now almost at that girl's knee. Bad choices.

Now, I know today was puddly, which probably explains the cuffing, but this was on the 4th floor. Around noon. The puddles had long since dried up. [Those jeans tucked into a pair of bright green wellies would have been darling, BT Dubs. I actually love rain boots. Just not ugly ones. And only when worn stylishly.]

[Please note that even cuffed those pants are almost the right length. Meaning they are at least 5 inches too long for that girl. At 5'0", I feel your pain. But honey, they do make shorter jeans. Short length at ON and AE. Ankle at Gap. Petite at virtually every other brand. Buckle will hem jeans purchased there for free, jeans purchased outside the Buckle for a small fee. Most dry-cleaners have minor tailoring services available. Please, take care of that business.]

Shauna exhibited the correct way to wear a hoodie. Thank you. I've been waiting, and waiting, and waiting for someone to wear an adorable hoodie.

Fitted and with flair. Please, please, please, if you're going to wear a hoodie, wear a cute one. Something that displays your personality, not oversized SNU BS. If your personality is oversized SNU BS, let's find you some new interests. You are in serious need of expanding your horizons.

John McCall!

That blue is F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S.
And I don't think I'll ever get tired of vests. Classic. I love them so.
Boys - see how good you can look and still wear jeans? See?

On a self indulgent note: today I gave tribute to Axl Rose. Many of you thought I was taking style direction from Erykah Badu. Why you thought of her before Axl, I can't quite figure out. [Have you even listened to her music? Ever? Challenge (this does not include MLP): Off the top of your head name 3 Guns 'N Roses songs. Now name 3 of Erykah's. Can't do it, can you? Thought as much.] Their styles are completely different, and my updated Axl was spot on - as in perfect. You failed my icon test. Miserably. [On a random note, one person even said Bono. Have you ever seen Bono? Do you listen to U2? Obviously not.]

Perhaps you'll get the next one. [Maybe I'll start contests and give out prizes. Could be good.]

"Fashions fade, style is eternal"
-Yves Saint Laurent

Weekend Update

2008-10-05T13:56:00.008-05:00

Normally I don't do weekend posts, but I just couldn't resist.

Friday afternoon I was feeling lazy and didn't update with the sighting of Corbin Taggart.

Very Brad Goreski. [With this style and the mannerisms of Michael Alig, this kid is quite the interesting juxtaposition.]

OKCMOA Saturday:

If I had seen these on campus, I probably would have blacklisted them. Something about this guy just made them work. He seemed like an artist, but so unpretentious [and so unlike all those lovely hipster kids Eryn and I saw last night]. Chihuly's eye-patch is the mark of an arrogant tool. This guy genuinely belonged in those pants.

Further proof that your personality dictates what style works for you.

Little red jacket. So 60s. So great. And her hair was just perfect.

While the tissue is not so hot, this shift was just darling. [I couldn't get a better shot because Mr. Tits McGee would not get out of my way. Jerk.]

And, as Eryn and I were leaving Saturn I saw this lovely sign on Western:

Ladies and gents, someone is peddling Dior in OKC!

There's a sign for Chanel next door. Ohmigod.

[Breathe.]

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
-Yves Saint Laurent

The world beyond

2008-10-03T13:04:00.004-05:00

Jeremy informed me via text this morning that he was wearing sweats. Boo, you whore.

He did say that there was a little bit of thought put in to his sweats, at least. I haven't seen him yet.

I'm not going to complain. If anyone has earned a day in lounge-wear, it's that man.

The outside tips are streaming in, and I am love, love, LOVING it!

Jori: "I found something for you.
Granted, it wasn't at SNU, but it certainly was within the mile radius.
Pastel floral sleep pants, pastel floral knit top (min. four sizes too small) with puckered sleeves, one inside out, (what I assumed to be) fluffy slippers whose fluff had long-since expired, and a sassy-phrase t-shirt showing through (along the lines of DRAMA QUEEN! or U wanna?! or something).
It took me several minutes to determine whether or not it was a Grade A romper sighting, the floral prints were so in tune with the shirt.
This was in public, mind you. Not in the annals of Full House sleepwear. Had I been swifter with my camera I might have contributed to your collection."

Too bad about no picture. It sounds like one for the books.

Marcus also decided that he needs to toot his own horn this lovely Friday afternoon.

"We just had class today, so professional-wear was not required. We are having GLORIOUS weather up here in the District, the kind that makes you want to grab a sandwich, some hummus and good book and head to the park. Fantastic. So, I threw this on today and I got a few compliments. And, I have to say without sounding too self-aggrandizing, I think I look pretty casual-spiffy. Enjoy.

Pants--dark green slim cut jeans from Urban
Shoes--double canvase (black AND grey) Converse Chuck Taylors
Shirt--white Ralph Lauren polo (happy birthday to me from you)
sweater--blue with yellow stripes cardigan from Gap"

You do get points. ESPECIALLY for wearing that lovely RL polo I bought for you. One of the greatest gifts ever? Umm, yes.

And double points for photo evidence! Thank you for doing this thing right.

Male cardigans. Yes please!

On campus spottings included a girl named Alex [I think?] wearing a pretty non-descript emo-esque uniform, with . . . . . . a sunflower pin in her hair! My work to bring back flowers as a top fashion accessory is apparently paying off! This is going to be bigger than the time I brought back scarves as head bands.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
-Yves Saint Laurent

EDIT:

Why do I see these things after I make a post? Like immediately after.

Ridiculous.

Ok, pink plaid flannel sleep pants worn with a hoodie. Those are pajamas, sweetheart, not casual day-wear.

And this:

Single cuff straight up to the knee.
Yeah. That just happened.

I'm so baffled about that last one I can't even form a sarcastic comment. It's like Kryptonite, I swear.

Sex Pot

2008-10-02T16:55:00.004-05:00

So . . . someone looked exceptionally fantastic today.

Purple belted shift with a 60s style scoop neckline, fabulous 6" tan snakeskin super-pointed toe pumps, 3/4 sleeve black trench coat, 7 strand pearl necklace à la Breakfast at Tiffany's, large cream-colored cocktail ring.

Anybody see her? Anybody? [Ok, ok, ok - It was me. I couldn't resist. What's the point of commenting on SNU style if I never mention myself?]

The rest of this campus really needs to step it up. I can't be constantly blogging about the same handful of people. It gets old. [Not that I don't love all of my regs.]

I'm sorry for the lack of posts. My DC fans - and by fans I mean fan - informed me this afternoon that they "miss posts."

So far I haven't seen anything too horrible outside of the hoodie brigade, but I haven't had dinner yet. There is still plenty of time.

I promise a full update later tonight, complete with highlights from Monday and Tuesday.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
- Yves Saint Laurent

EDIT:

Re-Cap:
Tuesday:
Good: red skinny jeans. Colored denim [on an individual who knows how to rock it] is an excellent choice. [Though it was in vogue last year, it's perfectly appropriate to wear it this season in OKC. They're five years behind anyway.]

Wednesday:
Heinous: Tan. Stained. Stretched-out. TINKERBELL T-SHIRT!

Mm, mm, mm. I don't even know what to say about that.

Except that I stopped wearing Disney memorabilia [except when worn completely for kitsch - and even then, stylishly] in the third grade because it was dorky. I would not even wear that t-shirt to bed.

People see you when you go outside. Did you know? Now you do.

Ladies - if it has stains, throw it out. If it doesn't fit, throw it out. If it is screen-printed with kittens, Cinderella, or the words "hot stuff," throw it out. You're all adults now. Please start dressing like it. Who knows - someone might actually take you seriously.

Stephen tells me to I need to start highlighting more guys on the Wasteland. Ok, Vandervorten.

That means until Marcus Powers returns or David Lawrence decides to come back and get a second degree, you'll be stuck with me rambling about how well Jeremy Schroeder dresses. [And since winter is coming he's only going to start looking better and better.]

You SNU boys really need to start stepping it up. Frankly, you girls do too.

Thanks to Andrew Tucker for wearing a sweater vest. [Was that today?] I'm glad to see someone other than Jeremy putting forth an effort.

Nothing super great today. At least not from anyone who doesn't look cute on a regular basis. I remember something about a sundress this morning, but it apparently wasn't memorable enough for me to even recall what color it was. Meh.

So here's what we're going to talk about, because I've been noticing this a lot. A lot, a lot.

Bra fit.

Ladies, if you've never been properly fitted for a bra, call me. We'll go down to Victoria's and get you all sized up. I'll even hold your hand if you're scared. It's high time you know what size you really are.

Muscling yourself into a 36" band does not make you a 36C. Just because you can get it on does not mean it fits.

You know what happens when your bra does not fit properly?

1. Your girls look funny. Sometimes you get a line along the top of your bust due to the gap between the cup and your breasts. It's not cute. Sometimes the twins get squished up, giving them the not-so-desirable pancake breast effect. Also not cute.

2. You get prominent back rolls. Yes, sometimes your body is shaped that way, but more often than not these folds are due to the fact that your band is 4" too small. If you're a 42, then you're a 42. If you're a 34, then you're a 34. If you're a 57, then you're a 57. Ain't no shame in it. Not only is band pinch not very attractive, your body is being constricted. Circulation is being cut off. You are causing your body pain and potential damage.

What happens when your bra does fit properly?

1. Your clothes look better. [Except for that Tinkerbell shirt.]
2. Your confidence will be raised. [Trust me, nothing makes you feel better than wearing a great bra. Except for a lavender truffle.]
3. Your posture will improve. You will stand up straighter, reducing back pain, fatigue, and other health problems PLUS you will look oh so pretty. [Good posture makes you look taller, thinner, and more confident. Try it. It's magic.]

Please, buy things that fit. Pretty please. It's for your own good, really.

You're all too pretty to wear ugly, misshapen, ill-fitting clothing.

EDIT 2:

Yesterday MLP wore "[g]rey-ish seer-sucker pants, black polo-shirt, black double-breasted cardigan and black lace-ups. Very professional, but not sacrificing any style."

Boys. Please take notes.

Also -- if I don't see you when you look fabulous, send me pics, or a text, or something via pony express. If you see something delightfully unfortunate SEND ME A PICTURE! Note the post where I commented on a student at OU. I take tips from outside sources.

Slacking

2008-09-29T20:12:00.012-05:00

I'm back, dear friends. Did you miss me?

You may be thinking that I was too busy last week crying and bitching to notice what you've all been wearing. Think again.

What you missed:

Big hair. [Just so you know I wasn't making it up.]

And no, that isn't Becca Lynch. Her hair has shape to it, and the curls are defined. That's just a hot mess. I should introduce you to my friend, John Frieda. He's a magician.

Karen and Ashten both looked smashing.

Chartreuse - my life's theme color. [The orange shoes are an excellent choice.]

And my life's theme print . . .

Once again, great shoe choice. Black, white and yellow - classic but not tired [ahem . . . . B&W + red? Or pink? Give them a rest. They're weary.]

2Pair went through a blue period. And though you can't see it there was a mysterious brown substance on her seat. One can only speculate as to what it was or how long it had been there. Please ladies, clean clothes. Laundry is free on campus. Lack of quarters is no longer an excuse. [As if it ever was . . .]

Today I didn't see anything too heinous, but I wasn't paying very close attention.

I did see dreadlocks done correctly. I tried to get a photo, but homedog was moving too quickly and it blurred. They were small, even, and clean. While it's still not a hairstyle I favor, I wasn't inclined to vomit.

Karen looked presh again.

Love, love, love long cardigans.

[Please note that she and Ashten have the same shoes.] [Also note that they are completely adorable.]

And Jess proudly gave birth [wearing a shirt she got at Gap for $1! That's right, you don't have to be rich, Ikea lovers.] in the middle of the 'Ho to . . . .

A very beautiful camel leather bag. [From Urban. Of course.]

Let's hope the sun shines tomorrow. I am feeling that a sundress is in order.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
- Yves Saint Laurent

Rejoice!!

2008-09-25T21:40:00.002-05:00

Good news, Wasteland fans!

The rage is subsiding.

Posting will resume on Monday. I know you're all very excited.

You have all weekend to put together something that will impress me.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
- Yves Saint Laurent

99 Problems

2008-09-23T22:08:00.005-05:00

And bitches are every one.

Here's the deal. There is a lot of drama concerning this chapel blog. Deadalus, Amber Jackson, whatever their true name is, everyone at this fucking hell-hole seems to believe that it's me. [Yes, I said fucking. Deal with it. Fuck, fuck, fucking. Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking.]

(That is the angriest looking photo I have of myself.)

These people think it is appropriate to spread these rumors as fact all over this campus, even going so far as to post an accusation on my Facebook wall from an anonymous Facebook profile - which the blogger is berated for time and again.

"[S]everal others have expressed their opinions about who the 'real' Amber Jackson,[sic] several of us believe that 'she' is comprised of a few people, yourself included."

I will not defend myself again. I'm too tired and pissed to do so even one more time.

Here's what this means for the Wasteland; I cannot and will not post another blog on this site until one of two things occurs. Either 1. the rumors subside and people allow me to live my life the way I have for the past 4 years - peacefully minding my own damn business, or 2. My rage subsides on its own [I really do not see this happening].

I am too worn out and too infuriated to continue to keep this place going. Frankly, I have little joy left in my heart from all this bullshit, and I can't do this if I am unhappy.

If you're disappointed, thank your school chums.

I'd like to thank them as well.

Thank you, SNU, for making me feel obligated to discontinue something that gave me a small bit of joy. I now have no outlet for both my love of fashion and harmless sarcasm. Thank you for imposing yourselves into my life, taking away something that made me and several others happy, and generally being all-around assholes.

I am not a judgmental person. I seriously thought that genuine people existed in this community. People who believed in fostering relationships, not tearing others down because they have nothing better to do than to start a witch-hunt for someone who wants (or at the very least claims to want) things to change in a place we ALL know needs it desparately. Apparently I was dead wrong.

I am now returning to a belief I formerly held: the majority of Christians are pricks bent on condemning, accusing, and battering everyone around them. Not true? Prove me wrong.

(Now would be the time to say that those accusations do NOT include one of my best friends, Ashley Smith. If you want to see a true follower (and one of the only ones I know) of Christ's teachings, spend 10 minutes with this lady.)

I am not an generally an angry person. I just don't get mad, normally. I try to figure out the reason behind people's actions. I try to understand individuals and do my best to avoid judging them in any way.

But this . . . . . I have become so enraged that I can't even say hello to people properly. I walked into the commons this afternoon glaring at everyone, including my friends. Walking down the sidewalk I normally think things like, "she seems friendly," "I wonder why he looks upset," "cute top," "I really wish she wasn't wearing those pants - she'd look so pretty in something more flattering." Today my thoughts were, "You look like a tool," "You are most certainly an asshole," "What the hell are you looking at?" "I hate you." "And you." "You too." You have all turned me from an endearing cynic into a genuinely hateful person. Congratulations.

I mentioned in the last post that I have a gift for cutting remarks. I don't think I truly gave myself justice. I am a magician of words. I said that I refuse to defend myself anymore, and this is true. But do not be fooled, I am by no means submissive. If I hear any of this bullshit firsthand, if I am directly accused, if some little shit gives me the stink-eye or calls me a bitch again, I will be more than happy to destroy you. I hope I have enough self-control to contain my words, but at this point I can make no guarantees.

To anyone who was a fan, I am sorry. It was glorious while it lasted.

If you want to hear more from me, go to The Bitchery. It's not going to be pretty.

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.”
- Audrey Hepburn

Backpacks and beads

2008-09-23T16:42:00.006-05:00

Before I get to pictures, there is something I'd like to say.

The most stylish thing you can do is be courteous of those around you. That being said, be aware of the girth of your backpacks. I am 5'0". I realize you may not see me standing near you in chapel or in the 'Ho, but that doesn't change the fact that I am, indeed, standing there. When you fail to pay attention and swing your fattened sacks around, they hit me in the face. This gives me rage.

What does this have to do with style?:
1. Courtesy is always in fashion.
2. Your backpack could potentially scrape up my face, making me look sub-chic for days.
3. When I have rage I judge you quickly and harshly. And I am known to hold a wicked grudge.
4. Your backpacks are fugly. I can see them more closely than you - they're eye-level for me.

Pay attention. That's all I ask. Otherwise I may be forced to make a snide comment to your face. You don't want that. I'm very good at forming hurtful phrases. It's a gift.

Kisses,
Dani.

Ok, now on to the reason you are all here.

Yesterday I somewhat posed a challenge to SNU males, imploring them to try a little harder. Two gentlemen may have been trying a hair too hard today.

Full suits. In Brian's defense [top photo], he had a design presentation this morning. Cody [bottom photo] just wanted to play Ken. Trying too hard? Maybe. But I'll take the suits over muscle Ts and basketball shorts any day.

Other strange happenings:
I was sitting in chapel preparing for a superbly revelatory speech on Christian sexuality when I noticed a young lady in the row in front of my had something stuck in her hair. As I was about to inform her that there was something unsightly dangling in her hair I realized that the object was intentionally placed there.

Hair wrap. With beads.

Yep. That just happened.

I haven't worn those, nor have I seen them worn, outside the context of junior-high church camp.

[I completely forgot this young lady's name. My B.]
Clean + modern + a slight preppie influence = adorbs. And the best thing I've seen so far today. [I am a HUGE fan of argyle, BT Dubs.]

Hopefully I will see something life-shattering at dinner tonight. I'm really being let down on all fronts.

Sundresses tomorrow, ladies. Enjoy the last warm days while you can.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
-Yves Saint Laurent

SNUzing. Losing.

2008-09-22T16:54:00.012-05:00

What a dreadfully boring day. I didn't even see anything remotely horrific enough to send me into a sarcasm frenzy.

I'd kill for someone to start emulating Bjork or Tilda Swinton right now. [That woman can even make Dior look terrible. How she does it, I'll never know. Tilda, please - put on some makeup. Wear clothes with SHAPE. Quit slicking back you hair. You're not loud or funny enough to look like an uber dyke. You have a model-thin body that you hide in sacks. You have magnificent pale skin that you let shine like an Exxon oil spill. Your hair has glorious color and you always oil it down - probably with your own face grease. It's such a waste.]

The girl with two pairs of basketball shorts? Remember her? [We'll henceforth call her 2Pair.]

Today was gray day for 2Pair, apparently.

Seriously - who started this trend?
Do you just not change out of your sleepwear from the night before, or do you consciously choose to wear this type of ensemble? If it's laziness, that's one thing [not that it's any more tolerable], but if you choose to dress this way, it's just as easy to throw on a pair of jeans and a better fitting t-shirt. I'm just saying.

Jeremy, my love, never fails me.

It's not that difficult, gentlemen. Give it a try. I'm willing to bet you'll begin to rise socially. [Note the lack of dreadlocks . . . . . . ladies like it that way. HINT HINT.] [BT Dubs - rich purple and pale yellow - very nice color combo.]

To make up for the lack of good commentary, I present you with a new section. Hopefully it will become somewhat regular.

Things That Don't Belong

[One of these things is not like the other . . . . .]

There are just some pieces of clothing that do not fit in certain cities. Would I like to wear Viktor & Rolf every now and again [that is, if I could afford V&R]? Hell yes! [Of their last collection, I would KILL for the gray ruffled coat and the black trench.] Does it belong on the streets of OKC? No. [Oddly, that was the theme of their last collection.]

So here is what I found [Saturday] that just does not seem to fit OKC.

Neon "light" print [Sprint commercial much?], "fur" lined zip-up hoodie, you belong in Detroit. Or some other urban area I don't plan on visiting any time soon. And by soon I mean ever.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
-Yves Saint Laurent

EDIT:

Dinner. Dreads.

On a woman.

Long and lopsided and of varying lengths and blond with dark roots and nappy and frizzy and dirty and quite probably smelly and dear Mother Coco I am having a panic attack and my life is flashing before my eyes and I've only worn couture three times and I haven't yet redeemed myself for wearing clogs in junior high and I can't breathe and I am too young and pretty and fabulous and witty and delightful to be dying and dear Saint Laurent WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

It's not that I am against alternative hairstyles - I was rocking the asymmetrical bob way before that whore Vicki Becks popularized it - and that means WAY before all you bitches. [I am now growing my hair out since noticing that far too many soccer moms were sporting the 'do for me to feel like the fabulous 22 year old that I am.] What I am against is hairstyles that make you look like you are:

A. Homeless
B. Dirty and pungent
C. A mobile shelter for all manner of insects and rodents
OR
D. A massive tool. As evidenced by the Wigger movement of the late 90s and early 00s [skinny white boys in FUBU, anyone?][FUBU, as you may or may not know, stands for "for us, by us." The company is not named FWBN (think about that acronym a bit).], costuming yourself as a member of another society is just plain idiotic.

EDIT 2:

Breaking News from OU!

Spotted by my favorite bitch, Emily Beer:

A bit hard to see, but I am sure you can at least see the floral-print pants on that lady. And, contrary to my first instinct, she is not a misguided professor. No, she is a 27 year old Ph.D. student. Per Em, these delightful pants were paired with "a rose colored cord jacket, a sparkly brooch, and Doc mary-janes. It was tragic in every possible sense." We have been informed that the hems of these pants barely grazed the tops of the brown MJs. Black socks were prominent. [I'd give points for the socks at least being of a dark shade, but that goes against everything I stand for.] [This young woman is also, according to a (probably) highly biased source, a deranged Mormon. While that may explain the wardrobe, that is not for this blog to judge. At least not in print.]

Trendy

2008-09-19T13:37:00.002-05:00

Happy weekend!

Good:

I saw a doll this afternoon. Pink striped sundress, white skimmers, raspberry cardi. Her hair is what made her incredibly adorable. Big blond ringlets all over the place. It was a sweet beginning to a hopefully good weekend.

Also spotted: gray sundress with a printed hem, gold sandals. [There was a photo, but I'm lazy. It's Friday.] Presh, presh, presh.

Bad:

Before we get to the bad, a friend of mine - Jessica Taylor, who regularly looks fabulous - comes up to me at lunch, wearing a white T and green Sofees - she'd come straight from a work out - and says that as soon as she was walking up to the caf she thought to herself, "Shit, Danielle is going to say I was the worst dressed person today."

That is magic.

Sorry to disappoint, but there was much worse.

I am not for women wearing basketball shorts [unless actually playing basketball or working out, etc]. I think they are among the most defeminizing clothes out there. Say what you will of my beliefs about gender roles, but I'm with Diane Von Furstenburg - "Feel like a woman, wear a dress!" I truly don't know how to feel feminine in a pair of those . . . . things. Call me old fashioned, but I believe in women looking like women.

Girls here wear them all the time [with various sizes of muffin top]. ALL THE TIME. Nothing puts a rage in my heart faster than a pair of basketball shorts, a fitted t-shirt or over-sized hoodie, and unwashed hair.

That being said, there is a girl I have noticed on campus who has decided to make this her uniform. I've also noticed that she only has two pairs of these shorts. That's it, just two. And while I hate the shorts altogether, I'm feeling a bit of a Woody Allen moment here. "The food was terrible, and such small portions."

The whole situation is very disturbing.

Ugly:

Gurkee's. "What the fuck are Gurkee's," you ask. They happen to be fugly-ass, broke-down, janky "Jesus" rope sandals.

Not my Jesus.

My Jesus wears Tom Ford.

I will make a deal with you, Gurkee's fans. I will allow you to wear your ugly ass sandals in peace when you prove to me that you can do the following:

*Feed 5,000 + individuals with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish
*Change water into wine [and none of that boxed shit, either]
*Heal the blind and ill with a single touch
*Resurrect both others and yourself from the dead [I'll give you three days to accomplish the latter]

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
-Yves Saint Laurent

Richard Simmons

2008-09-18T19:18:00.004-05:00

YES YOU CAN!!!!

Walking back from dinner tonight - oh yummy, yummy Sodex'ho, how I love thee [especially when it's steak night - a vegetarian's one night in heaven.] I saw the Garey/ Hatley bash wrapping up. Everyone was dressed up in 50s attire - my favorite era - and most looked precious.

So I ask you, ladies - why can you not look precious every day? Obviously you are capable.

There will be no bad comments today as I am too saddened by your apathy to be my normal, upbeat, snarky self.

Two photos, however.

Cole Speck was wearing fabulous tassel earrings today. Beyond adorable.

A bit hard to see, [phone cameras are the worst] but these were gold tassels made of chain. Love.

And Rachel Hoile looked smashing in her [probably thrifted - I LOVE thrifting] pink shift.

Totes presh, yes?

Please dress like this on a regular day. If people stare it's only because you look amazing.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
-Yves Saint Laurent

EDIT:

I went to Faith & Film forum tonight. [Don't judge me - they were showing Lars and the Real Girl.] I reaffirmed my hatred for a certain style of hair.

Dread Locks. They are beyond disgusting. Nothing says "I don't bathe" more than a head full of nappy-ass hair nuggets sticking out all over your head. You are not a rasta. Cut that shit off and wash your damn hair.

Lady Marmalade

2008-09-17T21:25:00.008-05:00

Ok. I simply cannot start this post on a good note. [Perhaps it'll be good to always save the best for last, anyway. Ending on a high note, and all that business.]

Bad:

Bright kelly green VS Pink calf-length sweatpants which had seen their better days a couple years ago - these things were nubbly beyond belief. [If there is one thing I love more than sweats in public, it's janky, worn-out sweats in public.] That wasn't the biggest problem. Oh no.

Atomic wedgie. Atomic doesn't quite cover it. Take the power of the atom bomb dropped on Hiroshima and add it to the power of the one dropped on Nagasaki. Now imagine that exact force pushing those nubbly green pants up that girl's crack. [Since when did wedgies become a chic accessory? Did I miss that in the last issue of Elle?]

These things were crawling so far up this young lady's derriere that were the ass to have "BOOTYLICIOUS" written on it, all we would be able to read would be "BS."

You have a few options in this situation, girls:

1. Buy pants that fit appropriately. Yeah. You can do that. They come in all sizes. It's magical.
2. Don't wear your ill-fitting, broke-down sweat pants in public. Some people believe in a small sense of decorum when roaming about before their fellow man. [I like to call those people sane.]
3. Pick that shit. Either Courtney Love style or discretely. I vote discretely, but if you must release, then you must. As long as I don't have to look at that painful wad of fabric jammed up your ass I'm ok.

Ugly:

Apparently big hair is also back in style. And no, not the clean voluminous kind. Think Christina Aguilera a la 2001 Blockbuster Awards. Oh hell, don't bother picturing it. I'll show you:

You wish I was kidding. So do I. This is not hyperbole, people. I have witnesses.

In other ugly news, these bad boys are hanging up - available for purchase - at the dear old Target. While I'm sure someone, somewhere - possibly even moi - could make them work fabulously, I do not want to deal with all the people who think they can work them and fail miserably.

That's right. Floral printed leggings. Welcome back 1993! I'm sure someone, somewhere, missed you. I'm still confused about them. They could be good. Or they could be HEINOUS. One request - please don't wear them as pants. I cannot handle a floral printed thut right now. Campus drama has put me in a delicate condition.

Good:

Well fitted printed tunic paired with dark jeans, sandals, and a lovely pink cardigan. [I love me a good cardi.] I would go so far as to describe the ensemble as presh.

Thanks for making my day livable. Those sweats nearly sent me into a self-mutilation frenzy.

I dub tomorrow "Flower Child Day." Impress me with free-spirited, bohemian madness.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
-Yves Saint Laurent

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2008-09-15T21:30:00.005-05:00

So, there will be some changes coming to this place. Nothing drastic, so no worries.

As I prepare to take this blog to the SNU public, and in light of the chapel blog that has popped up, I feel it necessary to promise the following:

I will NEVER name any offenders. Photographs of offenders will either be used only with express permission of the individual or their faces will be blocked. Jests will not be made about an individual's body, with the exception of moobs, camel toe, wedgies, poor hygiene, or when the clothing is exposing or distorting the body in such a manner that it is distracting. Sarcasm will be used. Frequently. But only with the intent of making the blog humorous. It is not intended to hurt an individual personally and should not be read as such.

Let's get to it:

I was feeling sick and bitter for most of he day, and therefore I fail to bring you a proper analysis.

The only thing I have to offer is this:

Not bad. Not ugly. But HEINOUS:

Brown. Jersey. CULOTTES.

For the love of all that is stylish and holy, WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Ladies. Listen. Please.

They. Make. You. Look. GIGANTIC.
It defies the laws of physics how wide your asses look in those "pants."
I know they are wide-legged, and therefore are very deceiving. They have lied to you, and it's a tragedy. But the adage does go, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

These things have fooled you so many times your grandchildrens' grandchildren will be living with the shame.

I may give up on hoping to see beautiful things. I keep getting my hopes up for nothing.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal"
-Yves Saint Laurent

Ralphing

2008-09-10T13:09:00.003-05:00

Long break. Apologies.

Yesterday there wasn't anything too horrific, but there was a fabulous high-waisted nearly-neon pink pencil skirt that I feel is worth mentioning. [I am loving neon, even though it is not "in" this fall - I've recently purchased an acid yellow cable-knit sweater, and a flannel print scarf of that same yellow and black.] It was worn with a black fitted t-shirt, which I find to be a bit safe, but I'm not going to make a big stink about it.

Good:

Ralph Lauren big pony Polo. Yes Rachel Zoe, I die. [For OKC RL is a pretty big deal.]

Bad:

Pink and purple zebra print handkerchief hem tunic. On a rather large young lady. [Please girls, come talk to me. I will help you dress in a manner flattering to your body type. It's not hard, I promise.] She looked like a circus tent. That is not hyperbole.

Ugly:

I JUST got stopped on the sidewalk by a girl a barely know who insisted on carrying on a ten minute conversation with me about nothing. At least I think it was nothing. I didn't hear a word she said because . . . . . . . . Her teeth were yellow. And not I-just-ate-a-Cheeto yellow. They were my-last-toothbrush-was-a-stocking-stuffer yellow. And there was that white goop all along the gum-line. How can I even comment on fashion when this place clearly has bigger issues with hygiene?

Tomorrow I want to see a new haircut. The Vickie Becks is a little tired. [It is becoming the style of choice for soccer moms nationwide.]

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
- Yves Saint Laurent

DAAAAAAAYUM.

2008-09-04T15:44:00.004-05:00

Successful day! Rejoice!

The Good:

Precious young lady in a vibrant printed top, not exactly a tunic, but close, and cute red patent mary-jane flats.

AND

A very sexy man [who is a good friend of mine] rocking a cerise button down with a black vest and tie. Dark wash jeans, white sneaks. [There is nothing sexier than a good looking guy in a vest.]

Love to both of them.

The Bad:

At least five pairs of Crocs. They irritate the hell out of me. Unless you're working in a hospital those things are completely unacceptable. They are Styrofoam for fuck's sake.

The Ugly:

Ripped jeans. Not carefully destructed, but Eddie Vedder wannabe to the Nth degree destroyed. The girl's ENTIRE upper thigh was visible. As in the hole was so big I could see around her leg. Inside her pants.

If that shit comes back into style I will give up.

Let's hope it never comes to that. I'm lifting up my prayers to Saint Laurent tonight.

Tomorrow I'd like to see a striking color combination. Like a nice grey with a pop of mustard.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
Yves Saint Laurent

Banksy

2008-09-03T13:38:00.003-05:00

Today was not a success.

In fact it's failure might be indicative of the potential return of the cape kids. Let's pray that winter comes and goes without their presence.

Good:

Two highlights today. Hoorah!

1. Cute hooded jacket, in almost a bomber-cut, bright blue and black lumber-jack flannel print. I'm loving oversized flannel patterns lately.

2. Crisp button down shirt, black, with fairly intricate white embroidery. Classic. Good job.

Bad:

O-V-E-R-S-I-Z-E-D hoodie worn with tiny cotton shorts and wellies. [Today was fairly cold and rainy.] Those shorts are appropriate in the dorm room or in cheer practice, ladies.

Ugly:

And, damn. Do I mean UGLY. [It took all my strength not to start crying hysterically.]

Jeans. Signed by high-school comrades, no doubt. They were completely covered in Sharpie signatures of all colors. Worn with what, you ask? A Joseph-and-the-Amazing-Technicolor-Dreamcoat quilted jacket. Waist length. With heart-shaped pockets.

I haven't seen Skittle puke like that since my dance coach had a lapse of costuming judgment six years ago. And even then, those babies were made for the stage, not the street.

Listen here, baby. Just because Dolce and Gabbana did graffiti pants [and not even recently, mind you - I believe they came out in the early days of Sex and the City, unless I'm mistaken] does not justify what you did today.

I consider outfits like that a genuine form of terrorism.

Tomorrow I'd like to see a lovely [pressed] knee-length garden-party dress. If the weather is agreeable, of course.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
Yves Saint Laurent

Wilkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome

2008-09-02T15:51:00.005-05:00

It seems that there always needs to be a first post, the ice-breaker, the voicing of the mission statement and all that mess. And it is this: I live in a style wasteland. SNU. Where fashion comes to die.

I realize that college students need to be granted some lenience. I realize that central Oklahoma is no Milan. I realize that even the best dressed Americans make boo boos from time to time [Gwyneth at the 2002 Oscars, anyone?]. We're all allowed our 15 minutes in gauchos. Still. I have had enough.

Now, I am certainly not calling for Balenciaga day dresses to be worn to class every day, that would be ridiculous given the setting. [Ridiculous and utterly fabulous!]

All I want to see is clean shirts. And perhaps a nice pair of flats or the occasional pump every now and again. Hair that doesn't look like you slept with wolverines and couldn't be bothered with a brush this morning. And something other than sweats every day.

I don't think it's too much to ask.

While the majority of the student body rocks jeans and some form of cotton shirt [T, tank, button-down, what-have-you] there is always one individual who wakes up thinking that somehow it is a good idea to dress like Mario Batali. I'm ok with a standard wardrobe. Jeans are just fine in my book [I wear them nearly every day]. T-shirts too. We are, afterall, college students. Tuition payments really dig into the YSL fund [it's the sharpest pain I know]. However I am not pro-croc, pro-mullet, pro-gaucho, pro-mini-skirt in the dead of winter, etc.

Until I'm living in a land of Laboutin-clad Upper East-Siders and bohemian beauties from the Village, I am forced to spill my disdain here.

This is for the [rarely] good, the [omnipresent] bad, and the [tragically] ugly.

Let's get to it.

The Good:

Came last week, but I'm counting it anyway. I saw a young man carrying a Louis Vuitton Poche Documents.

Ah, l'amour.

The Bad:

This morning was beautiful- sunny, blue skies, perfect [albeit hot as shit] weather. It felt like such a good day, and I woke with the hope of seeing something a tiny bit hip. Chic even. At the very least I was hoping to see anything that didn't cause me to upchuck my lowfat yogurt.

Of course I was dead wrong.

Good morning, Dani! And what should we see strolling down the sidewalk? Leggings. As pants.

And not as in leggings-as-pants under a nicely belted sweater dress [which could be fabulous on the right individual]. I mean leggings-as-pants with a cheek-skimming tank top tunic.

I could see the girl's business. And her thut.

Oh yes, ladies and gents, the thut was VERY prominent. [Normally I would never comment on a body part as a faux pas. I truly believe that people are beautiful in every shape - except for those sporting moobs: I find them unnatural and unsettling.]

For those who are unaware, the thut is that little piece of flesh where the thigh meets up with the butt. Models are bred to be thut-less. For the rest of us it is completely natural.

It is not, however, natural to put it on display. Outside of camel-toe and moose-knuckle it is the single-most disgusting display of flesh I can think of.

I know that Heidi Klum is wearing a TON of shiny leggings on PR lately. [Hers are actually pants. Very, very, very tight pants.] But, as a model, she is not only thutless, but also held to a dfferent set of fashion commandments than the rest of us.

Ladies, leggings are not interchangeable for proper pants. [Truly they're a bit out of style anyway. I'll let it slide if you're wearing them underneath a dress; I know it's hard to let go of our favorite trends. Especially when you're living in a place that is no less than 5 years behind current trends.]

If you want a more fitted bottom, buy a freaking pair of skinny jeans. They are everywhere and come in cuts that are far more flattering than the skin-tight to the ankle skinnies we see the emos walking about in.

The Ugly:

Oddly, other than the thut this morning [truthfully that should probably be down here with some lesser infraction above], there was nothing that made me want to vomit. I'd say that makes this Tuesday a success.

Tomorrow I'd like to see a full, belted skirt a la 1954.

"Fashions fade, style is eternal."
- Yves Saint Laurent